Limbo. The space between. The not knowing. The uncertainty. The procrastination The waiting. The worry.

Waiting. What am I waiting for? Maybe I am waiting for the elephant that sits on my chest at times, leaving me paralyzed, to move on. The elephant is very minor tasks that seem insurmountable. The past two weeks it was getting important paperwork filed with SSA for Alex and wondering what was coming in August when my lease is up.

I was frozen. Crazy, huh?

I’ve raised three sons on my own for the past 18 years. I have navigated endless IEP meetings, done my best meeting my sons needs, two of whom are on the Autism Spectrum. Like all of us I have had the rug pulled out from under me. Getting through some days, weeks, months was as if I was feeling my way through the darkest hallway searching for a glimmer of light. The light was always there. I just had to believe.

So why in the world do I worry about dropping paperwork off or asking my property manager about the lease?

January 4th I started the Keto diet. The difference it has made in my mood, my physical health, my anxiety has been amazing. Weight loss aside the previous mentioned benefits are mind boggling. I have a point here, I promise.

The few days I was agonizing over the two stupid tasks I fell off the wagon just a bit. Nothing major, but I allowed myself to slip up.

However, I successfully delivered the paperwork and discussed extending the lease with the property manager, to which she agreed. All of that fear for nothing.

God always provides. I know this, so why worry. Today I am suffering from the not so great food choices. My fibromyalgia is on fire like it never has been. So one lesson learned. Don’t procrastinate. Face the tasks head on.

You see, deep down I know these fears are silly. Spirit tells me this is my home. I know that I know. Why question my discernment? It never lets me down. People will, but God never has. I need to keep my eyes on Him. It’s when I look down that I fall. Just like Peter walking on the sea and falling when the storm frightened him.

The storms frighten me. I just have to remind myself to look up and believe. Believe in myself. Believe that I am worthy. Believe that I am enough. The future is bright, colorful and mine.

Artwork by Kathy Paysen

Be a blessing,


2 thoughts on “Be Your Own Hero

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